Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I have to vent.

I don't want people to feel sorry for me, that is not the point of doing this. I am just at my point of frustration (yet again) and I just need to get things out.

My condition is progressive and unfortunately there is no cure for it. I have been dealing with the symptoms for going on 17 years now, all while I slowly progress and get worse.

Two of the many things that has gotten worse is my walking and my balance. I cannot walk unassisted. Well, I can, but it isn't pretty, you don't know how many times I have been asked if I am drunk because "I walk funny". My five year old nephew even told me that I need to get new legs. Now, that hurts! You ask why don't you use your cane? I would LOVE to use my cane, but my motor skills are so bad and my coordination is horrible, so I can't get the movement right.

Then, there is my balance. Ah my balance, how I miss it so. I walk from the couch in the Living Room to the Kitchen, my walking fails and so does my balance and BAM! I fall. Kitchen to the Living Room, I fall. I don't go upstairs cause I might fall down the stairs, same with going downstairs. I don't run anymore, haven't since I was 22, haven't riden a bike since I was 14 maybe all because I am afraid of falling. I don't do alot of things for fear of falling.

Which leads to today. I get up from the couch in the Living Room to the Kitchen. As soon as I got up I immediately feel back to the couch. I tried again and lost my balance and THANK GOD there was a wall to grab onto because otherwise I would have gone over the TV stand and the TV would have been wrecked. Still holding onto the wall I regained my balance and then continued walking still stumbling falling into the kitchen door finally making it into the kitchen. I think this sudden onset of balance problems has to do with a couple things. 1. I take some medications and although they help, I think they also hurt 2. Recently, I have been dizzy and very disorientated, ecspecially standing, but lying down too.

Unfortunately, I have more bad days then good days. So, I have to just sit and watch TV and play on the internets. It is hard for me to even leave the house. I don't see or talk to anyone all day except for my cats or if the UPS man comes.

So, that is my vent for today. I am sure I will have another one tomorrow or another day. Thanks for listening.


Trisha said...

Feel free to vent anytime you need to! I'm here to "listen". :)

sarah said...

I'm sorry you are having a rough time, Becks. I hope things improve and the doctors can figure something out to help you!!

Angie said...

Yeah that sounds horrible. I'm sorry you have to go through that. I hope they can get you some relief.

Maria said...

Vent away! I'm so sorry that you have to go through all this.